Take
a parental leave. If
you recently gave birth, you need to recover physically. If you
didn't just give birth, you still need to ease in to your new life.
Don't try to take on all of the household chores at once. I didn't start mowing again until last July. I didn't start cooking regularly until October.
The
crock pot is your friend. Somehow
it's easiest to get dinner ready in the morning.
Get
out of the house.
Find a routine that involves going somewhere – every day.
Alternate the gym with grocery shopping. Plan one day a week for a
'field trip' somewhere around town. Visit older relatives. Just
leave the house.
Lower
your standards. Then lower them again. The
dishes won't be done every night. The laundry may need to be
rewashed once in a while because you forgot to move it to the dryer
for a couple of days. It's ok. Keep sight of what's actually
important. Does your kid feel loved? Are you and your partner
connecting from time to time?
Reset
the coffee pot. I
don't drink coffee. But every day, I try to reset the coffee pot
(empty grounds, refill water) for Matthew. It takes two minutes.
Some days, this is the only thing I have done besides keep me, Sarah, and Casey alive. But it's my way of telling him that I care,
even if he comes home to a frazzled wife, a screaming child, and a
messy house.
Find
some people.
In Nebraska at least, this is easiest if you are a 30-something
Christian female. If you don't fall in this demographic, it will be
a little harder, but still find friends that are available during
the day. I didn't have luck with MOMS Club due to their weirdly strict geographical boundaries, but I did join Faith Full Moms at a church in town.
Take
some 'you' time. In
the early days, I would schedule two hours of Angie Time on the
weekend. Now, I spend one of her naps cleaning the house while the
other one is devoted to catching up on my shows and crafts.
Your
partner knows what they are doing. Just
because you spend more time with the baby does not make you a better
parent. I still find myself hovering when Matthew is watching Sarah and she starts to cry. I'm learning to just walk away.
The
'M' in SAHM stands for MOM, not maid. The 'D' in SAHD stands for
DAD, not domestic servant. The
minute you catch yourself dusting the plants instead of playing with
your baby, you've gone too far. Keep the house clean enough to be
healthy, whatever you deem that to be.
5:20
is the worst time. It
doesn't matter if it is AM or PM, 5:20 is a horrible time. In the
morning, it's the time when you wonder if you should go back to
sleep again. In the evening, it's those last few minutes by yourself
where the baby starts to get fussy from hunger and tiredness.
Go
ahead, call the doctor.
Wondering if you need to flip your baby over on her back in the crib
once she learns to roll over? Did your hand slip when you laid her down for a diaper change and she fell the last three inches to the floor? Worried that her brain development
will be stunted because she's been sleep deprived
for the past three months? Don't know what to do about that rash
that won't go away? Not sure what to do the first time she gets a
fever? Can't figure out why she's fussy for a week even though she
is sleeping? Go ahead, call the doctor. You won't be the first
person to do so because I already made all of these calls.
You
get to be ONE parent. You
can make Pinterest worthy crafts. You can go to the gym every day.
You can volunteer a lot. You can cook gourmet meals. You can write a
blog post every day. BUT, you can't do all of these things. If you
want to get really involved, go ahead, but something else must go.
Seriously,
lower your standards. Those
pictures you see on Pinterest and Facebook of your friends' perfect
houses and smiling babies are their highlights. Don't compare that
to your bloopers.
